then and now
new years resolutions doesn't work for me, so i'd rather go by the days and hope each day to do what i aim to do.
THEN- i had a settled life. 1 year at new work. i got a huge credit approval. i established my little business. i did exciting projects i never thought i could do. i went to places i've never been before. i did things out of the norm. i am becoming a red wine connoiseur. i tried white wines.
tolerance for alcohol is getting stronger. i gave dinner parties that lasted an impression on everyone's lips.
i sat at the piano, after years of shying away, and fell back in love with the way my fingers feel on the keys and the way the sound fills the walls. i took more risks. i finally took driving lessons. i bought a car. i sang in public. i let my hair grow. i tried on bridesmaid dresses. i was content with my hair colour. i wore skirts.
i asked for help. i cried. i prayed for strength. i gave my heart away and got it back, slightly scratched and bruised. i loved one person, i liked two other people, i learned that i could not be friends with the one i love. i let go. i said goodbye thru a song.
i gave to those who are in need. i said goodbye to some friends and welcomed new one's.
i forgave. i forgot. i remembered. i reminded. i tried to see the good in everything, every day, and i shared it with whomever wanted it. i missed my mom. i spent time with amazing friends. i learned a lot from these kindred spirits. (i'm still learning.)
i learned that time sometimes just needs to be not so important. i learned to relax (a bit). i befriended my bed. i saw a lot movies. i shared the movies that meant a lot to me. i am learning that i need to be around people who will enrich my life rather than cause misery.
i made a lot of mistakes and learned from it. i hope for a lot of things for myself and others.
i had a life.
NOW- i aim to do more.
this year i would like to learn to be less of a bitch.
yes. less of a bitch.
the other side of me not often seen by people is the manipulative person i am. if it doesnt go barbara's way, then it's no way at all.
i expect too much from everyone even myself.. only because i can see the potential everyone has around me, which sometimes they fail to see.
anyway, i want to relax a bit more, let people learn their own mistakes their own way.
i would like to be less caring that way, aloof , nonchalant.
i want to break that nasty habit of caring too much.
is there such thing as caring too much?
yes.